Sunday, October 26, 2003
Whoops my last entry disappeared! now i havent posted in a month. wont be around for another 2-and-a-half weeks. going on outward bound school til NOv10.
in other news, i'm feeling full of self-pity today. hmm... anybody want to join me as i wallow in my pool of self pity? c'mon, theres always room for one more...
Sunday, September 28, 2003
couldnt wake up couldn sleep this morning. i DEFINITELY have a fever. i feel even worse than last night. shivering away in the morning. checkd my temperature: at first it was 37.5C, but bit later it was up to 38.8C... aargh i should see a doctor. i hate going to doctors cuz its admitting somethings screwed up with u and u cant help it. chest hurts; very phlegmy... hard to breathe... shit shit shit...
Sunday, September 28, 2003
wrote this last nite, but posted it up today:
i feel so... grey... as tho i'm stuck on the edge of black... i feel out of sorts tonite. feel like shit... couldnt stand my living room when i came home. too fluorescent... all the noise; i had to leave. so i went to kino to look for books. jus to lift my spirits a bit. didnt need company, jus had to be alone for a while.
didnt help.
well, it did for a while... but all thru the nite all i could think of was a cigarette... couldnt shake the thought out of my mind. but i felt a cough coming on since that morning so i thought i'd better not, or it'll make it worse. so i didnt. stayed glum the whole nite.
then i realized i was getting dizzy if i stood and read for long periods of time, so hurried home, with the cough getting worse and no relief in sight.
reached home and knew for sure i was sick. felt bit feverish. still felt like shit. sigh...
Sunday, September 14, 2003
pessimistic. introverted. loner. thats wat u'd think i am if u go by all the e-quizzes i post up here.
but i'm not.
really. i'm not.
if u noe me personally, i'm most likely one of the most extroverted , loud person u noe. so... explain?
i do answer those questions as truthfully as possible all the time.maybe they're just not accurate at all... but all of them are consistent with gloomier results. i guess my subconscious mind sees me for who i am; and all the boisterousness i display is just a facade.
who am i faking? myself, evidently.
i'm confused. i'm conflicted. i'm not myself; never was. i'm not who u think iam. not the person ur with. i guess he's not real. thats just for PR.
maybe one day we'll find out who i am.
Seer
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
avoidant
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You're a black velvet!
What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
wat the fuck's in a black velvet aniwae?
Friday, September 5, 2003
TOSHIRO: talented; intelligent
People of your personality type should visit:
www.life-blood.cjb.net
What would your Japanese name be? (male)
brought to you by Quizilla
my relationship with my dad is not getting any better. i dont get it, this isnt right- i'm 19, i'm sposed to be over the rebellious phase by now. the smallest thing he does seems to annoy me. especially how he wants to know exactly where i am when i stay out past 12. maybe its becuz he was gone for so long before that now he's back he comes across as intruding into my life. everything was fine before when it was just me, my mom, sis and bro in the house. my mom gave me lots more freedom. of course, maybe she was just apathetic, but i like to think she trusted me. i dont get the feeling that my dad ever actually trusts me. when he calls me at 1am to ask me where i am, i'm not convinced that he's worried, its more like he's keeping tabs on me. at least when i occasionally stayed out late on a schoolnight last time, my mom never checked but she'd stay up til i was home safe. that made me stop coming home late on schoolnights cuz i knew she was worried.
when my dad wasnt around, my bro and i used to contribute a major part of the housework short of cooking, but i stopped doing the housework when i went into NS. now with my dad around and me with 2 weeks out of camp,i started to do some chores around the house but he questions the way i do simple chores as tho i'm a bloody fucking retard...
dad(looking all surprised that i'm not completely fucking useless): "u took out the rubbish is it?"
moi: "yeah?..."
dad: "did u bring it out by the trash bag or did u carry it by the bucket inside?" (...oh u noe; the pail thingy inside with a fucking HANDLE)
moi: "i took out the pail together with the trash bag."
dad: "did u tie the bag ?"
moi( W T F ?!!!): "yea..." (no dad, i opened the trash bag and emptied the contents down the rubbish chute...)
sigh.. maybe he calls me up when i stay out past midnight cuz he's afraid i'm too stupid and forgot my adress...
when ur own dad thinks ur too big of an idiot to not know how to take out the trash at age 19, you've got nothing much going on for you...
Sunday, August 31, 2003
i completed half my attachment and i seriously do not want to go back to camp ever again. maybe go awol... er yea... attachment to orchard npc's been really cool so far, but the 12++ hour nite shift really takes some adjusting to...its not that i get sleepy at work, i manage to stay alert like the whole time as long as we're moving, but once i get home... i hit the bed real hard and i dont even realize how tired i am. this morning, sposed to catch MTE gig at ayer rajah cc but the idiot street directory is in my brother's bike so wanted to go with ros after his sentosa run thingy. but he called when i was way too asleep and i just hung up and went back to sleep. dont noe how those cops stay awake in the day...
Sunday, August 24, 2003
yea i'm back from Ubin! not too many mosquito bites, lucky me i'm generally less appealing to mosquito taste buds. but also credit to the industrial strength repellent produced by the SAF. that stuff burns. i swear, when i wiped some of it in the path of a bug, when it touched the stuff it convulsed and walked in reverse. never seen a bug walk backwards before...
got a super dark tan kayaking for a whole day and generally playing in the sun everyday. kayaking fun but tired my arms out cuz i had to keep up with my partner haugeng who just happened to be a bronze award canoeist in the open category. bastard wouldnt let me rest at all...
when i came back on friday found out Mudz and pale pretenses was playing at Far East Plaza in the eve and wanted to go, but at round 5 my stomach turned all funky on me. probly food poisoning from God-knows-what i ate in Ubin but i swear, at the time it felt like my stomach was trying to escape by beating its way out thru my liver. Ooww...
couldnt catch them the next day either cuz i was meeting some ppl at about the same time so i've never actually seen pale pretenses except once in the studio. went to play pool for a bit and had Jap food for dinner. came home at slightly past 11 so Dad had absolutely no reason to complain this time.
i wont be in camp for another 2 weeks cuz i'm on attachmnet to Echo division, at Tanglin HQ. i'm really excited cuz if i'm lucky, i'll get somewhere close to town area, which can be a hotbed of activity. i'm kinda bummed tho, that for the next 2 weeks, i'll probly not be free on either saturdays. so busy the whole of august...
Sunday, August 24, 2003
yea i'm back from Ubin! not too many mosquito bites, lucky me i'm generally less appealing to mosquito taste buds. but also credit to the industrial strength repellent produced by the SAF. that stuff burns. i swear, when i wiped some of it in the path of a bug, when it touched the stuff it convulsed and walked in reverse. never seen a bug walk backwards before...
got a super dark tan kayaking for a whole day and generally playing in the sun everyday. kayaking fun but tired my arms out cuz i had to keep up with my partner haugeng who just happened to be a bronze award canoeist in the open category. bastard wouldnt let me rest at all...
when i came back on friday found out Mudz and pale pretenses was playing at Far East Plaza in the eve and wanted to go, but at round 5 my stomach turned all funky on me. probly food poisoning from God-knows-what i ate in Ubin but i swear, at the time it felt like my stomach was trying to escape by beating its way out thru my liver. Ooww...
couldnt catch them the next day either cuz i was meeting some ppl at about the same time so i've never actually seen pale pretenses except once in the studio. went to play pool for a bit and had Jap food for dinner. came home at slightly past 11 so Dad had absolutely no reason to complain this time.
i wont be in camp for another 2 weeks cuz i'm on attachmnet to Echo division, at Tanglin HQ. i'm really excited cuz if i'm lucky, i'll get somewhere close to town area, which can be a hotbed of activity. i'm kinda bummed tho, that for the next 2 weeks, i'll probly not be free on either saturdays. so busy the whole of august...
Sunday, August 17, 2003
i jus saw the repeat telecast of the NDP and i was on camera! for a really long time during the march out! but they took the whole shot from the back and above us so yea, unless u walk behind me a lot, you probably wouldn't know it was me... but it was!
had loadsa fun yesterday, first met up with the guys from jc to catch LXG at shaw towers beach rd cineplex. en route i met so many ppl i know i couldnt keep track. lets count em all now:
by chrono order, there was Joel, off to meet his sailors; donovan, whom i met at Mdm Wong2's; hafiz walked past outside BK; got mob-hugged by Cheryl; and Jinsheng&Hui2 on the way out. thats probably all...
later, met up with Ros and Mudz at raffles to give our Hi's to SYaHeeD before he goes up to perform at Hendrix at 1. had coffee... mmMMmm... woke me up a bit to prepare for the rest of the nite. spend the night at Illusion with them and some new frenz. our group was a VERY fun bunch, had a tremendously good time making complete asses of ourselves and not caring. but too many army guys there... only few gals around. pity.
woke up today and had NO headache! Cool! was completely expecting at least a little one, but Nope! a-okay!
August 11, 2003
HaPpY NaTiOnAl DaY!
haha i'm not that patriotic, but i just got back my saturdays! no more national day practices! hee hee its OVER. i was there! in the guard-of-honor contingent!did anyone see me? i was wearin white...
i never did got to see the parade. gotta catch the repeat telecast.
Singaporeans are a pretty patriotic lot, i think. u cant get 60 000 ppl to wear red for no reason and tell them to swamp the national stadium. altho many of them jus do it to get the 10dollars worth of free crap inside the gift bags. u probably can get 60 000 singaporeans to mob mount Saint Helen if it spewed out free pencils. but i digress... the whole ndp thingy i realized is not a performance, cuz nobody gets worked up into a fenzy over lame mass displays and 500 ppl in uniform WALKING IN STEP. admit it, as a show, ndp is as interesting as watching rocks grow old. but it IS exciting, and the crowd goes crazy everytime. its really about celebrating together. nobody cares about the show, its jus an excuse to celebrate on a huge scale. funny thing, people...
in other news, Mud'z a bitch... do i really sound whiny smitten in my last blog (about tomboys)? nah i'm not head-over-heelz-in-love-picking-out-the-ring-and-proposing-soon with any tomboy anywhere. thats super rushing. if u noe my aversion to commitment, u'd know i cant fall in love at first sight. and if i did, i'd take a second look. then i'd walk off the feeling.Mudz is the one thats needy for companionship.
watched(heard) pale pretenses, Mudz other band, for the first time ever today. met 3 nice new people. played pool for 1st time in months afterwards. i'm gettin better... if only slightly... but i still suck tho. i lose interest after the first game. A.D.D. i think... wanted to see some beautiful people at Spinellis but none there, it being sunday nite and all. Roz burned half his lungs smoking probably 15 cigs in 2hrs, 10 of which were inhaled at spinellis. Mudz wouldnt let me smoke (Bastard!) (thanks!). he told me why he didnt smoke. great story, freaked my lungs out...
Sunday, August 3, 2003
been a very boring week this week but coulda been worse-started out real bad... was almost late booking in to camp, saved by a mad dash and a lesson that started later than usual, but i lost my tie which is part of my "uniform" when i'm outside of camp, stupid shiny blue police tie and my angry ASP gave me an evil glare when i told him. so i quickly walked off before he said anything more- he only saw me cuz i could'nt duck out of the main road and take the shortcut since one of the instructors were at the gate. and the beautiful part? a new tie cost me 10bux. rite when i'm struggling to keep from being broke- man, every dollar counts now. oh wait- i'm not done yet... i found out i was sick as well in the morning, had to lug tissues around the whole day til wednesday. felt horrible, wanted to die... errrrg... and on my birthday no less....
oh well... at least everything shaped up from wednesday onwards. my mom got me a new stereo(!) for my birthday (mom's the BEST!). cept that i dont like to blast my music for all to hear so i dont know what to do with it rite now...plus if i turn it on it'll just be competing decibel-to-decibel with my sis and bro's stereos so it looks like my mom just bought herself a headache.
i'm excited now cuz national day's next week! no i'm not some crazy patriotic watever, its just that efter the NDP, i can spend my saturdays away from national stadium and not go for ndp training EVER AGAIN! man, i miss my saturdays...
and i met this girl, whos a fren of a fren and shes a little tomboyish. i seriously dont believe i'm the only one who thinks tomboys are cute but i've never gawked at a tomboy like i do to hot girls on the street, and neither do anyone i know. the appeal of a cute tomboy is there but i'm afraid to ask one out cuz i wouldnt know how differently to handle her(or even if i should treat her different). and honestly, it wouldnt take much for her to be more masculine than me... but of course i wouldnt find appeal in an all-out butch (neither would a butch find appeal in me, i think), what i'm talking about is the little bit of boyishness, like an unpolished diamond, that u find in a cute girl. meybe its the lack of pretentiousness or self-consciousness cuz she has that "dont-care-how-i-look" confidence which disappears and she becomes suddenly shy when around guys. but watever the watever, i still find em cute...
Sunday, July 27, 2003
one last thing before i sleep(gotta wake up early tomoro). i forgot, but tommoro's my birthday. u can tell, its no big deal for me. but jus so u noe, and so it wont be too late if i told u next sunday. yeah,its my birthday.
... i'm still young and birthdays are already getting boring.
yup yup, i'm 19. Hoo-fucking-Ray...
Sunday, July 27, 2003
didnt update last week, sis was hogging the com the WHOLE FREAKIN DAY sunday. either that, or she was online until i left to meet cheryl and then just before i came back, she went online again. sounds like a conspiracy.
watching news on CNA now, jus now the newscaster was presenting something about the thai prime minister's son, whose name is almost unpronouncable. starts with a "P". u could tell she studied the name before CAREFULLY pronouncing it and nailed it right. she was so pleased she stumbled on the next word "publicity" cuz she lost the focus. haha, the irony...
yesterday was the national day parade preview. it really seemed like the actual day when i was at the stadium wat with all the decorations and the 60,000 people all in red (Ow my eyes!) then it all ended and i went back and the rest of singapore was in normal everyday mode. somethng surreal... like crhistmas in july.
afterwards went chillin out jus cause i needed to. dad always used to complain that i never call back home when i stay out late, so this time i told him the day before. thats a whole 24HOURS early notice. and WHAT did he do? he sorta kicked up a fuss and claimed i told him that i WASN'T gonna stay out late. like WAT THE FUCK? dreamin ar?...
so yea naturally i didnt call and not even when he called me cuz i didnt hear the phone ring(and didnt give a flying fuck). so next time i'm only gonna call home at round 3 in the mornin, possibly from the payphone under my block. if he's gonna have a long-term memory like a goldfish, then well ...
You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, July 13, 2003
WHoA HeY i think i just passed my first exam. its only about police procedures and practices but still, thats 1 down and like.. 8 more? to go.
MMmmMMmmmMMmm.. eating KitKAt CrUncH CaRaMel bar. thats good shite... yUM! i swear they must have put crack or something in that caramel i cant stop eating... the WHiTE CHocOLaTe one is gooood too, but a tad sweet. UumPh caramel is sticky. and its dripping on my mousepad. shit.
ros is gonna return my guitar tommorrow yay. actually its like 1am so its TODAY! later round 4. ...pm . wanna download some new songs mostly emo as usual (juliana theory, get up kids,saves the day,dashboard confessionals, watever) and persuade ros to burn 'em onto one cd for me. want a cd-rw, dont have one. hey ros its ok rite? specially since YOU had exclusive OWnErship of soME great tONE thanx to moi. heh heh...
tomorro Ain's birthday. musn't forget.
Saturday, July 5, 2003
Find Out What a CHINGLING Is!
Uurgh... no guitar... need.. guitar... need... MY guitar... think i'm... dying... without... guitar... without MY guitar... uUrGh... no shit... i'm dying... from ... the... fingertips down(up?)... UuUUuuURgGHhhh... fuck. X__X
well ok ros thats long enuff can i have my guitar back? after ur baybeats gig? ok? july 18 watnotz? i'll be waiting at the side like a groupie with soiled laundry on the 18. fer sure.
went to kino with haugeng. here's the deal- a CHINGLING is a pressure point or nerve point that kungfu people use to hurt you thats located on ur bicep ( upper arm if yer skinny) about 1 inch above the elbow at the front.
(haha ur all poking ur arms now! heehee). well its sposed to hurt like a bitch. read in some kungfu book at kino. also some great reads:
Stupid White Men by Michael Moore(Bowling For Columbine)
The Naked Bachelor by some guy i forgot
some book of parodies of literary greats by another guy i also forgot(sheesh i feel dumm now- ask me along to borders, i'll point the book out to u)
Umm the parody book is really funny and the author parodies people like Salinger, wodehouse, tolkien and even J.K "i'm-in-it-for-the-money" Rowling. surprisingly its at the poetry section (little known wussy fact-i actually hang out at the poetry section at borders quite often). so i bought the StupidWhiteMen book to read in camp. thats also very funny. thank god my country's not run by stupid people... but its not like smart people never do stupid things...
whoa hey gotta pack- bookin in to camp tomoro MORNING cuz NDP full dress rehearsal for the minister of TheFence to give his OK. at least today saturday was free. havnt been out on saturday since may... forgot how hot people all go downtown on saturday... droolz...
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.
What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
i'm NEO. how cool is THAT? nuff said- lets start shootin'.
Sunday, June 29, 2003
I got a new PHONE! WooHoo Yeah! the old one was giving me problems. really frustrated for a while. rushed out to buy a new one. loadsa flashy lights and twinkly sounds. way flashier and twinklier than my old phone. but harder to handle, guess i gotta get used to it first.
also, i'm startin to miss my guitar. its with ros. hey ros- if yer reading this, I WANT HER BACK. soon yeah, real soon. i feel so empty now and my fingers are twitching even as i blog. aaargh *twitch twitch* i feel the need to bend steel again.
oh yea- CHARLIES ANGELS rocked!
